my success with dudes.

I have found that if I actually like someone, like really into someone, they never work out. It’s like I have a tiny person in my head who says “Floyd find the most unavailable dude and fall hard for him.” It’s like my talent. A talent that no one wants, but a talent still.

Last night, I had been crushing on this guy from my work for a couple of weeks. And he takes me aside to ask me a question. He’s really cool with a fun personality and just a great attitude about life. I thought that maybe he wanted me to hang out with him.

“So what are you doing tonight?” He said adorably.

I had plans with some friends that night, but I mean if he was going to ask me out I was totally going to bail on them. But before I could answer he said.

“Would you like to make an extra hours pay and cover my shift.”

Well shoot. That wasn’t what I wanted to hear.

“Because I have a date tonight, and I really want to get out of here early so I can shower before I pick her up.”

I have a great poker face because I smiled and was like “Sure!” I had plans and I was letting the guy I liked go on a date with some other girl. I felt like I was Katherine Heigl from one of her movies. Except I haven’t met my Gerald Butler yet, and I think I deserve Gerald Butler.

Problem is that when a guy actually likes me. I’m not interested anymore. I figure out that I didn’t want that relationship in the first place, or I find a really stupid excuse on why I don’t like them anymore. For example, one guy I dated, I found out that he didn’t like sports and that totally ruined my feelings for him. I was talking to him about going to a Braves game and he was like “Oh I don’t like baseball.”

I remember being really taken back. Sure baseball can be really boring if it’s not an exciting game, but I mean it’s still a great sport. But I decided not to judge too much, and asked if he went to games with friends. Some of my greatest memories are going to Braves games with friends and family. Cheering on the Braves, doing the chop, and eating cotton candy.

“Naw, I find them really boring” he said causally. Not fully understanding how his next few words were going to make or break the relationship.

“But you go with your friends,” I said. “You can talk to them if you get bored.”

He sighed, “I just don’t like going to sport events.”

That totally shocked me. “No sports events!! Not even football!”

Okay now football is usually always an exciting game. People are getting tackled. Refs are being stupid (which I would like to fully understand how they are being stupid) and when you go to a game you become friends with some random person next to you because you’re connected to the game and the team. It’s like the American Dream. You have to love it!!

Maybe I’m being too hard on him, I thought to myself. “Did you go to games with your parents?” Maybe it wasn’t his fault that he didn’t understand or love the game.

“Yeah my parents love football, I just don’t get it.”

And that was it for me. He had absolutely no excuse. His parents had done the right thing and taken him to games. He just didn’t like them. And my feelings went completely away.  We would have no future. Even if it worked out between us and we got married and had kids together. He wouldn’t take our children to games.  I would be the one who would have to explain sports to our little boys. And that would be too much pressure on me to have to explain statistics and sports analogies. To this day, I have no urge to ever go on another date with him.